"If you cut me, I'd bleed words." Maralis

The introverted extrovert

Introvert: a shy, reticent person (-a most basic definition, as introverts have many layers)

Extrovert: an outgoing, overtly expressive person

Are you like me? Are you out there, introverted extroverts? I know I am not the only one. It’s like this, you see, to be an introverted extrovert. I am shy. I am even maybe timid a bit. It may sometimes even look like I am mean (city-raised defense mechanism). It may also look like I am stuck up and stand-offish. But, I am not. It’s just what it’s like to be an introvert. I love people! I love talking to people. When I first meet someone, I am usually quieter. Some of it is shyness, some of it is assessing the situation. I am a person who relies strongly on my intuition and the energy I feel around people. I take this in, and it helps navigate me as to how to proceed. Sometimes this is instantaneous, because energy can be strong and can be a great indicator. Sometimes, I need a little more time. But, once I have met someone and have a good vibe, well then, it’s a horse of a different color! (or a unicorn) I am vibrant and enthusiastic. The extrovert comes sashaying right on out, and then my issue is to gauge how much sparkle to sprinkle on the situation!

I know there are tons of us. I love social interactions. I love talking to people hearing their stories. I love things like laughing, dancing, coffee-ing (that’s a thing because I say so). BUT, I also very much love quiet time, walks in nature (with my amazing wife), reading and occasionally, solitude. It’s important to me to note that the occasional desire for solitude does not mean someone is depressed. For me, especially being an empath, I need that time to recharge. And as a writer, I need that time to connect with words and thoughts. I’m sure this is true for anyone who does something creative, like painting, pottery, etc…

I sometimes have to force myself out of my shell. Because if we give into the shy nature too much, it can lead to loneliness. And that busy little extrovert in me just won’t have it!

What’s it like for you?




Discomfort of change

Some days, different things I see or read, like posts on IG, steer my thoughts. Today I read a post and that’s exactly what happened. My response to the post, basically, was that change can be uncomfortable, but when it’s necessary, it’s worth it. We’ve all heard of the phrase “growing pains”. Sometimes, growth hurts. If something is truly worthwhile, it is a small task to endure the discomfort for growth. And there are times when fear will rear its ugly head, making you feel trapped.

As a woman who was in a very unhealthy, emotionally abusive marriage for many years, I definitely get that. Although deep down I knew things needed to change, I needed to get out of that relationship, I was afraid. Do you want to know what I feared the most? It wasn’t my safety. It was failure. I feared that I couldn’t make it. I feared that while I might get out of the relationship, I might not make it on my own. I think this is a fear that keeps many people trapped in abusive relationships. I had a quote tattooed on my arm, by a poet named Anais Nin, about a year before I got the courage. I knew I needed this reminder, daily. It says: “…and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. I knew I was slowly dying, all of the beautiful parts of me were withering. The day did come when I could no longer contribute to my self destruction. And I did leave. It was hard, but I did it. I didn’t fail. I wasn’t homeless or unable. I made it work. I did it for myself and for my children, who I demanded custody of. I have always had faith. I have always believed in doing good. I knew that I would prevail, no matter the difficulty of the transition. My children were my primary motivation. The secondary was, that I needed to blossom. I needed to see what it felt like to be fully and truly me, a person that I love. It was the hardest change because it took the most bravery. I was not comfortable for a long time. I did a lot of self reflection and a lot of growing. When I committed to living intentionally life changed for me.

I look at this tattoo now and it’s’ a daily reminder -of what I have overcome, of how I have indeed blossomed despite the discomfort it took to get here. Change is good. Change is worth it. Be brave. Believe in yourself.


New Year, New Promise

The beauty of time is that it is continuous. There lies before each of us, experience, adventure and joy. Of course no life is perfect and disappointment and hard lessons await too. But those are all a matter of perspective, I think; each is an opportunity to learn something about yourself or about life. 

I believe it is a good idea, as each year commences, to think about the things you’d like to add to your life or improve in your life. I don’t call them resolutions. I try to make a goal that I can meet, a change that I can feasibly accomplish and measure within a year. It’s a good idea to make it something you can be attached to. Make some sort of reminder or alert for yourself to keep track. Some find a vision board (Great vision board link) motivational and helpful. I like to read motivational quotes that are relevant to my goals. Also, keep yourself accountable by sharing your goal. I will share one of mine. I plan to be more creative this year. I feel compelled to nurture my artist side, in various ways. Do I know yet how that will manifest? No. But I know that it feels important to me. When I think quietly and reach into my spirit, that is what I hear and feel. 

What does your spirit tell you?



Conscious Love

I can never sleep well when my love is out of town. I try to use that time to think. Last night, I was thinking about love. As young adults, teens even, I believe we are conditioned by external factors, about what love is and how it should be. I can definitely say this was true for me. Television, books and other relationships of those around me molded my view, a view which, as an adult, I don’t agree with. 

I once believed this notion of “falling in love”. I am so appreciative of the life lessons that have taught me that loving someone is a conscious choice and effort. You don’t just fall into it. I believe people are drawn to one another, as it was with my love. But from there, what happens? Everything that happens is a result of a choice you make. In any relationship, you either nurture it, or it withers away. I can say I am so overjoyed with the way that I am able to love my fiancé! I don’t love her blindly and expect magic to happen. The magic is in the love and care that I put into our relationship. I think about the way that I want to show her my love, and make her feel it. Loving is conscious and constant. The warmth that I feel in my heart, the light in my soul that comes from knowing I am loving this special person with my true and honest heart, giving her the best of me, is sometimes overwhelming. I used to cry from all of the heart break I had experienced. Now, I cry for the beauty of this love, this very conscious love. I utilize all of my senses in loving her. This is the real deal. This is how love should be. 



Secure is not a word I would have used to describe myself a year ago. Nor is confident. I have always had a huge heart, a love for life and humanity and enthusiasm. But I’ve always led with humility, never arrogance. 

Today, as I prepare to enter the last month of 2016, I can honestly say I am secure. I am secure in myself because I have learned to love myself, flaws and all. I am secure because I know who I am and am always working towards being a better person. I lead with love, always. 

It is because I have found myself, embraced who I am and learned to respect myself, that I can happily say that I’m in a secure relationship too. It’s quite a beautiful experience to connect with someone on so many levels, and to have as much to give as your partner does. 

Something magical happens when you decide to be honest with yourself and shift your mindset. I am such a firm believer in the thought, ‘change your mind, change your life‘. Wishing doesn’t work. You have to believe in what you want and what you deserve. It is in the believing, that you start to experience the magic. Are you ready to start believing?


Words gone

Earlier today, I began a blog post. Technology has its flaws of course and my    original blog post did not save. I have always been a believer in the phrase, “everything happens for a reason”. So instead of huffing and puffing about words that are now gone, I decided to ponder why, perhaps they were never meant to be posted. 

The post was about finding time to create; something I’ve found very difficult over the past year. I thought about what I had written. The words were meant to come out to help me through that thought process. So in writing about being able to find time to create, not only had I found time, but I also created. 

It is my very favorite thing about writing. Each time I place a word, it is taking me some place, down some road, closer to some realization. Those particular words may be gone but they still served a purpose. I have always said that if what I’ve written strikes a chord with even just one person, then it was totally worth writing. This time that person was my very own self. Goodbye words and thank you for the message. I will continue to write it out. (*as if that was a choice) 😜

The gains from loss

Last week, I participated in an incredible experience. I stepped out of my comfort zone to meet and engage with strong, motivated women. While I am definitely a  vibrant personality once I’ve met and conversed with a person, at first, I’m still that very shy girl who sat in the last row, last seat and kept my nose in the books, in high school. This was a chance for me to meet new people and I wanted to try it out. This program was started locally by an inspiring woman, Sheena Jeffers, who had this idea to bring women together. Another thing that drew me in was the name of the group, “Well Women”. My newfound liberty and freedom since my divorce had led me on the path to wellness. I gave it a try and was blown away. It was the first time that I was doing something as me, my true self. I was meeting other women and presenting myself as I proudly am- a divorcee, a mother, a creative, a writer and a lesbian. That alone felt great. Then we got into the discussion led by a moving an talented artist, Betsy DiJulio, who shared her story of loss (she was widowed suddenly & lost her dog and her mom shortly after). But it was also the story of her journey to wellness. It was incredible. Then we had a discussion and the question that stood out most to me was, “What did you gain from loss?” That was when it really occurred to me that I gained so much from loss! I gained my identity. I gained my self worth. I gained my pride and I gained my strength! Think about it from a different perspective. What have you gained from a loss? (We referred to it as positive gains!) 

The selfless mother

“Selfless: concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own; unselfish.”

Ever since I became a mother, I embodied the term, selfless. My children became the primary thing I cared about. I faded away. Now let me say, I’d die for any of my children, without hesitation. I am very proud of them and I have poured unconditional love into their hearts. But here’s this point. If I gave a new mother a word of advice it would be “don’t forget about yourself”. You can be a dedicated mother and still save a little bit for yourself. I didn’t do that. I can’t take back lost time and I don’t regret the time I dedicated to them. But I definitely lost myself. In the past 16 years, I may have done 2-3 things that were strictly for and about myself. Unless you count the extra five minutes in the shower that I’d steal on occasion. 

On my journey of self discovery over the past year, this was one of my realizations. I know it’s important to show myself love, too. I know it’s important, healthy and beneficial for my sanity to take breaks. So maybe now I take fifteen minutes to meditate. Guess what? They understand and they don’t disturb me for those 15 minutes. Minute 16, who can say! But what matters is that I show myself care as well. I deserve it. And they deserve this better version of me, too.

Love what you do

How many of you are stuck doing jobs just because it’s what you happen to have a degree in? Or maybe, it’s just the best job that you can get right now. For years, I held jobs that I knew I would be good at. I would take the job, excel as high as I could go, then I would get bored. The challenge was gone. I wasn’t learning. I wasn’t growing. I was not being creative. (Example: bank teller. Not that it’s a bad job, but there was no challenge. I went a year without an error; but I did love interacting with the clients.) I knew that chapter was closed and I needed a new one. Here’s another question. How many of you are doing what you love? What I love, my passion, my creative gift, is writing. For many years, I said I never wanted to work as a writer because I felt like I never wanted any boundaries or assigned rules placed on my creativity. It’s only now, this past year really, that I learned that I can indeed have a job – a paying one – doing what I love to do! Once I figured that out,  it was a game changer for me. I write. I sought out information, did some research. What I found is that many people, all kinds of people, could greatly use a person with creative writing skills. I love when I encounter other people in a different industry, jewelry makers, massage therapists, etcetera, who say to me “I know how to talk to you about what I do, I just can’t craft it into words.” And that’s when I knew that MY passion, my creative talent really could be my job! In high school, people would come to me, tell me how they felt about their boyfriends or girlfriends, and I would write poems or love letters that they’d then give to them. I thought it was sweet, because I’m a hopeless romantic. In retrospect, that was my first clue that there were other people out there who needed my services. 

I am so glad to say that now, I am doing a job that I love, and loving what I do. My art, my passion can indeed be my career.

Are you doing what you love?

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