Some days, different things I see or read, like posts on IG, steer my thoughts. Today I read a post and that’s exactly what happened. My response to the post, basically, was that change can be uncomfortable, but when it’s necessary, it’s worth it. We’ve all heard of the phrase “growing pains”. Sometimes, growth hurts. If something is truly worthwhile, it is a small task to endure the discomfort for growth. And there are times when fear will rear its ugly head, making you feel trapped.
As a woman who was in a very unhealthy, emotionally abusive marriage for many years, I definitely get that. Although deep down I knew things needed to change, I needed to get out of that relationship, I was afraid. Do you want to know what I feared the most? It wasn’t my safety. It was failure. I feared that I couldn’t make it. I feared that while I might get out of the relationship, I might not make it on my own. I think this is a fear that keeps many people trapped in abusive relationships. I had a quote tattooed on my arm, by a poet named Anais Nin, about a year before I got the courage. I knew I needed this reminder, daily. It says: “…and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. I knew I was slowly dying, all of the beautiful parts of me were withering. The day did come when I could no longer contribute to my self destruction. And I did leave. It was hard, but I did it. I didn’t fail. I wasn’t homeless or unable. I made it work. I did it for myself and for my children, who I demanded custody of. I have always had faith. I have always believed in doing good. I knew that I would prevail, no matter the difficulty of the transition. My children were my primary motivation. The secondary was, that I needed to blossom. I needed to see what it felt like to be fully and truly me, a person that I love. It was the hardest change because it took the most bravery. I was not comfortable for a long time. I did a lot of self reflection and a lot of growing. When I committed to living intentionally life changed for me.
I look at this tattoo now and it’s’ a daily reminder -of what I have overcome, of how I have indeed blossomed despite the discomfort it took to get here. Change is good. Change is worth it. Be brave. Believe in yourself.